Today I approached the Tarot feeling fearful and anxious. I lost an important client recently and I was feeling afraid of not being able to replace the lost income and pay my bills. I felt the situation was out of my control and that no one would help me. I drew The Creator card, from the Osho Zen Tarot, inverted. It corresponds to King of Wands. The message for me was that the creator in my life is the Universal Law of all things flowing through me and my circumstances. This Law is perfect, all circumstances are just as they must be, and I can shift my focus to feeling this force working in my life and experiencing the peace that comes from this. I took the physical position of the man on the card and meditated on the powerful force of Karma creating my life circumstances. I envisioned my mind at peace in the middle of any circumstance. Suddenly I realized that not only was I afraid of not having enough money, but I was afraid of what that might mean about me to myself and others- that I am inadequate, incompetent, or defective. The man on the card was telling me: Here is your chance to experience these thoughts and acknowledge that they are false, and it is time to let them go. I felt a great sense of peace at this point, a sense of freedom from any negative view of myself and a freedom from complaining about my predicament. This is exactly what I needed in order to face these negative thoughts. I ended my reading with a prayer of thanks. I will carry the image of this card into my day with me. It will remind me of the peace that comes from knowing that every circumstance is just what I need to face and let go of anything that holds me back from seeing the Truth of who I am.

Today I felt a bit of un-ease as I began my morning. I drew a card from the Osho-Zen Tarot to connect with the unease and drew card XVII (The Star), which in this deck is called “Silence”. It shows a picture of a beautiful starry night sky with a face that seems to become the sky itself, and a bright moon reflecting in water below the face. This reminds me that I am the sky. I am the consciousness in which all things arise and disappear, I am what is always present. All elements are represented- earth , water, air, and fire, yet I am the space in which these things manifest. I am not the manifestations. As I look at the reflection of the moon, I realize that my sense of unease comes from a sense that I am being judged by others. This card reminds me that in judging me, others only see the reflection of who I am in their own minds, but this is not me. The reflection of the moon is not the moon itself. What others think of “me” has nothing to do with who I really am, whether “positive” or “negative”. Who I am can never be judged, it is beyond judgment. I am that which contains the sea, and the sky, and the fire of stars, beyond any concept of the mind.
Just to check, I search for the sense of unease I was feeling… I cannot find it!